“Wisdom has built her house; she has set up its seven pillars.” (Proverbs 9:1 NIV)
Let me just start off by saying, that Ashli’s last post on seasons in our marriages was one of the best pieces I’ve read in a while. In the two weeks since she posted, I have had that topic in the back of my head. I’ve talked to my husband about it (one of the best spiritual talks we’ve ever had), and I’ve thought about it during certain situations in my life that were great. And now those situations, all of a sudden, seem to be plummeting. For me, just remembering that everything comes in seasons, including my marriage, has made my life just half a hair easier to deal with.
I’ve been thinking a lot about wisdom lately. I just recently finished a bible study at church, and we were studying Lysa TerKeurst’s The Best Yes. If you have not read this book, I highly recommend it. Lysa talks a lot about making wise decisions. I benefited from this book a lot. During one particular chapter she started talking about how we can make wise decisions and be wise women. I started thinking, HEY! This can apply to our marriages as well. I decided that I really needed to write about this topic. Before I begin, let me just tell y’all that most of my information is coming straight out of the book and I give all the credit to Lysa Terkeurst. I never want to be accused of plagiarism. So straight from my fingers to the key board, all the credit goes to the brilliant Lysa TerKeurst!
One of the first things Lysa begins to discuss in Chapter 9 “Show up to Practice”, is the difference between a woman of wisdom and a woman of folly. I found both of these characteristics to be rather interesting topics. Each section brought familiar faces to the forefront and I felt like one of those people in the courtyard when the adulterer was about to be stoned. All I could hear the Spirit telling me was “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone”. Don’t you just hate when the Spirit intervenes in your thoughts and convicts you right on the spot? In that moment I really knew the Lord was telling me I’ve been a woman of folly, and the only reason I was beginning to obtain any kind of wisdom is because of Him! Yep. That surely happened. In that moment I may or may not have felt like a scolded puppy with my tail between my legs.
I love that Lysa used Proverbs 9:1-6 as a reference to define a wise woman:
“Wisdom has built her house; she has carved its seven columns. She has prepared a great banquet, mixed the wines, and set the table. She has sent her servants to invite everyone to come. She calls out from the heights overlooking the city. “Come in with me,” she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgement, she says, “Come, eat my food, and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgement.”
A woman of wisdom is a woman who cares, who pays attention to even the smallest of details, she’s organized, she asks for help when she needs it, and her ways allow her to be a wise leader and be understanding.
And on the contrary we have the woman of folly, in which Lysa uses Proverbs 9:13-18 as a reference:
“The woman of folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge. She sits at the door of her house, on a seat at the highest point in the city, calling out to those who pass by, who go straight on their way. “Let all those who are simple come in here!” she says to those who lack judgement. “Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!” But little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of the grave.”
A woman of folly is a woman who is loud, undisciplined, and is without knowledge. She’s basically lazy and doesn’t move forward. Due to her lack of organization and being unprepared she lacks anything to offer anyone. Rather than being wise, her ways don’t lead to anything other than death.
So after this, it’s clear that we obviously want to be the wise woman. It’s really okay to read those passages and say “well gosh, I can certainly be described as a woman of folly.” I did. I’ve certainly been that woman to the letter t. Make that t a capital T. Friend, hear me. The only way you can become that wonderful woman of wisdom, is by making Jesus Christ the Lord of your life and allowing Him to be the #1 leader of your life. Until then, it’s going to be a long drawn out journey.
At this point, you might be wondering, how this applies to being a wife? Well in essence, being a wise woman allows you to be a wise wife. Our men, the men who are supposed to be the leaders of the home, cannot be efficient in what they do and need to do with a partner that is just full of folly. Yes, your husband married you for you, but there comes a time as women, when we must lose our ways of folly and grow in Christ. As Lysa says, the only way to have wisdom, use wisdom, and be protected by wisdom is by showing up to practice. She uses Proverbs 2:1-11 as her reference to doing this:
“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding – indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair – every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.”.
So taking her list of things (straight from the book with some of my own notes added), here are the highlights of how we can have wisdom, use wisdom, and be protected by wisdom (side note: these notes are what made me want to write about this).
1. Accept God’s Words: That amazing book, you know the one that’s big? If you guessed the Bible you are correct! Accept those words and pages to be God’s words. Open it. Read it. Learn it. Use it. If you can’t do this, wisdom is not going to work. The Lord’s Words and commands are the only foundation you need for your marriage. Do not be fooled by what society thinks you need and encourages.
2. Store up His commands within you: Get into His Word and let His Word get into you. Memorize verses. Do bible studies. Do a daily devotion. Go to a woman’s conference. Read the WifeCode828 blog. The more we fill ourselves with God’s Word, the more we align ourselves with His truths.
3. Turn your ears to wisdom: Seek help from wise teachers, get wise advice, surround yourself with people of wisdom. That last part is really important. If you continue to surround yourself with people who in essence want to be women of folly the rest of their lives and not grow in Christ or wisdom, it is going to be hard to be a woman of wisdom. I can tell you that the further I have walked with Christ, the more wise people I find myself being with. I think it’s natural for us to surround ourselves more with people who have our same beliefs; the more we learn and practice.
4. Call out for insight: PRAY. Ask the Lord to give you insight. Speak with people who have had similar experiences.
5. Cry out for understanding: Ask the Lord to show you how your decision, attitude, or feelings might affect your husband.
6. Look for wisdom as passionately as we would hunt for a hidden treasure: Keep your focus on the Lord and continue your hunt for wisdom. Remember that society is trying to conform us to the enemies vision of how our marriages should be. And that is everything farthest from Christ. See the value of wisdom. Honoring the Lord in your marriage is more important than what society wants you to honor.
My friends, please do not take any of these words, to mean that you have to be a perfect wife. I am far from perfect. I do like to think I’m more “wise wife” than I am a “folly wife.” But there are just days where I don’t feel wise at all. But even on those days, I still show up to practice and I still search for that beautiful gift of wisdom as though I am on a hunt for treasure. That is what the Lord wants. He wants our time, He wants our love, and He wants us to put in the effort. He is never ever going to expect us to be perfect. Jesus Christ is the only being who will ever be perfect. If we all expect to be perfect, we set ourselves up for failure and we will crash and burn really quick. Our husbands shouldn’t expect us to be perfect either. We can try. We should try hard and with intentional effort. We can make goals and try daily to meet these goals. Use Lysa’s list of how to obtain wisdom, how to use wisdom, and how to be protected by wisdom. We are all works in progress and will only ever be perfect, when we get to Heaven.
My prayer for all of you, my beautiful sisters in Christ, is that you use God’s Words, and apply them. Allow God to breathe wisdom into you, so that you might be “wise wives”. I pray that you don’t allow the enemy to confuse earthly wisdom to holy wisdom. And I pray that wisdom is one of the steps you plan on pursuing and growing in.
See you in two weeks,
💛 Ashley S.