“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, it’s jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame, many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.” (Song of Solomon 8:6-7 NLT)
I love Ashli. She is so passionate. She asked me to write something for her blog. I was honored and overwhelmed. Why me? Well, I have been married for 31 years so I do have some experience. Maybe I have some wisdom too. I have learned a lot from God about how to have a marriage honoring to Him. Some things I don’t know how to put into words. This may be one of them, but I feel compelled to address this subject for some unknown reason. Sex!
You may find this topic to be a shocker especially after 31 years of marriage. I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 and not a Christian. We’ve had some exciting experiences in some interesting places. But I can honestly say I am more fulfilled sexually now, than I was back then. You may think the flame would go out after 31 years especially since we are not as young, flexible, or daring. Picture the flames of a roaring fire. They shoot out, threatening you, but also enticing you all the same. Oh the glory of a new fire. But what about the smoldering fire beneath? It’s just as hot but not so dangerous.
The fire is consuming but soothing. You can have both. If you want some more flames, then throw something on it! If your husband loves hunting, then meet him at the door with nothing on but his favorite hunting jacket. If you can’t seem to find time, or a babysitter, enjoy the warmth of the smoldering. To do this, reach out and just stroke the skin on your husband’s arm. Know that his skin is your skin to love. Caress his fingers if just for a moment. Later, when you have some time for deeper intimacy, close your eyes and run your hands over his body, his arms, his shoulders, his face, etc. Do it in such a way that you familiarize yourself- that if you had to, you could identify your husband, just by touch, in a blind line up.
God has given us this great gift. He has made our bodies to experience these great, sometimes overlooked, feelings. Song of Solomon 8:6-7 describes it with the passion God intended for us to have for each other. “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, it’s jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame, many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.” The foundation is love. That’s what makes for the best sex ever. You don’t need to read 50 Shades of Grey to have great sex. Those books may cause you to have unmet expectations. The secret to great sex is in the word of God. Those books, like 50 Shades of Grey, often talk about ample breasts. Well I don’t have ample breasts. My husband doesn’t have thick hair I can run my fingers through. But what he has is a love for me placed in him by the Creator of love, and I have the same for him.
Encourage that love (remember the hunting jacket). Proverbs 5:18-19 “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.” Go ahead honey, make the first move. As you grow older together, you can develop a deeper appreciation for this precious gift. You will embrace more fully what it means when God says the two shall become one. There is sex when you get older it’s in the bible! Remember Abraham and Sarah? They had a baby in their old, very old, age. God gave them a baby but it doesn’t say it was an immaculate conception. They still had to have sex. Don’t waste time. Enjoy each other now. This is our time to enjoy each other physically. Matthew 22:30 “For when the dead rise, they will neither marry, nor be given in marriage. In this respect they will be like the angels in heaven.”
Don’t use sex as a weapon. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self control.” So it is warned to not use it as a weapon and withholding sex from each other unless both agreed upon. But I’m not sure about using it as a reward, because to me, that can be fun!
Father, please open our hearts, minds, and senses to the joy you have set before us in our marriages. Help us to remember the love that drew us together and build on it an on You. May we truly be one. Of one mind and one heart and one flesh. Let your word and Spirit be our source for instruction in our marriages for everything including intimacy. You made us man and woman and your plan was good. In Jesus name. Amen